Are you noticing your triggers?

Have you begun to notice your triggers? They are those huge feelings that seem to arise because of something that someone else did. Would it surprise you to learn that those big feelings, which are conventionally deemed negative and unpleasant, are not actually the result of any external event? You see, what triggers you might not trigger me. This is how we can tell that our big triggers are due to our own internal wounds.

There is no doubt that these big waves of miserable feelings, such as anger, frustration, and jealousy, can make us feel terribly uncomfortable so the natural inclination is to either react to them or try to suppress them. When we react out of a big emotion, we inevitably start conflict. It is so tempting to do this because then we have brought the other person into our drama, and we do not have to take responsibility for it or deal with it on our own. Instead, we can blame them. Others try to suppress or ignore their big feelings hoping that they will just go away.

When we either react or suppress our big feelings, we fail to process them within ourselves and then they get stuck and keep repeating. What’s even more unfortunate is that when we do this, our children witness this process, and sadly they often become a part of it because they are the ones to whom we react by scolding, yelling, reprimanding, criticizing, blaming, shaming, or judging. This wounds them and they, in turn, inherit these same patterns, and so it goes –  generation to generation.

Let’s stop this misery-go-round by using our new skills of awareness and non-reactivity. Let’s become role models for emotionally intelligent grown-ups who are willing and able to sit with our big feelings without any outward reaction and without creating drama. Let’s end the drama even before it begins.

This is how we raise our own emotional intelligence, and in turn that of our children. This is how we teach our children to handle their big emotions with equanimity and understanding. This is how we choose liberation over enmeshment. This is the perfect moment to begin this journey because this is the only moment we have.

And don’t forget … pick up a copy of my book today: HOW TO RAISE A PARENT: Becoming a Conscious Parent in an Unconscious World. It’s chock full of lessons and stories about awareness, triggers, non-reactivity, and all of the essentials to become a conscious parent.