Are You Attached To Control?

As we continue the journey up Mt. Awareness, have you noticed the inclination to want things your way? Do you get stressed when you don’t get your way? As you enhance your awareness of this pattern, can you begin to recognize your deep attachment to control?

We want things our way; and we can barely tolerate it otherwise. We believe that our way is the right way. Why do we seek control? Because we are afraid. The tricky thing is that fear masquerades as so many other more favorable things, like love, wisdom, and caring. Think about a big decision you made where you decided not to take a risk. With the benefit of hindsight, can you see that you made a lot of excuses to justify your decision when the real reason behind your decision was fear of change, fear of the unknown, or maybe fear of failure? We are attached to our comfort zone, even when that zone no longer serves us and makes us miserable.

Become a keen observer of your thoughts and beliefs. Notice when you want things your way because that seems like the “right way.” Dig deeper to identify the source of your fear which is often not readily apparent.

Start to give your children agency and control over small decisions that impact their lives based on their age and stage of development. Offer them a few options (not too many as that becomes confusing), and then follow their lead. They will learn critical skills such as logic, judgment, and decision-making. If they do not like the option they chose, they will learn from that too, as they have to manage their disappointment or course-correct, and then let themselves off the hook with self-compassion. These skills build resilience and help us detach from control.

“Beyond the field of right and wrong, meet me there.” ~ Rumi (mystic/poet)

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